Weight-In # Oh Who's Keeping Track

(I probably will after this, the irony, ugh!)

Let's just get right into this. The last few weigh ins I've just kind of announced where I'm at and have moved on without any other context, or feedback on the matter. With the weight that I am, and the amount Ive been losing, the numbers just don't seem worth celebrating. I feel neutral initially, then disappointed later in the week. Without further ado, last week I weighed 481, this week I am 477. That's 4 pounds down. There's that number again.... Moving on.

I've been feeling extremely exhausted all day. I feel like a snake, like a have to slither to move, and I feel weak. Perhaps I haven't been eating enough. My appetite has been nonexistent, my battle with depression just took it out of me, I'm kind proud of this. This only helped me. Had this been a year ago I would have ate, my depression would have triggered the opposite effect. Somehow I've changed my mind~

Having my nephew over today was a blast, he seems to keep getting more adorable. He had a way of making me feel important, lately I notice how he wants my particular acknowledgement when he does something, something like building a structure with his blocks, singing twinkle twinkle little star impromptu, or just hopping on one leg. It's so small, but so powerful. He will be three next month.

No walk, and thus no drawing today. I just physically don't have the energy.

Comments

  1. It might help to step back a bit... by reading your blog, it looks like you've lost 60 lbs since your stay at the Pavillion-- less than three months, yes? And you certainly lost weight before that (since the fall?). That's a pretty great run-- even if you're struggling, even if it feels like you have a long way to go, you've been moving in the right direction for awhile now, and it shows. Think about it this way: three more months are going to go by regardless (whether you like it or not, it's the nature of time), and if you take it day by day, you'll be that much closer to your overall goals. By the way, I've been really, really enjoying your artwork. The way I see it, you're creative, artistic, smart and witty-- those things don't change, even if your weight does. Hold onto that!

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  2. Also: notice that you're trading one behavior for another (under-eating versus over-eating) as a tool for coping with difficult emotions. That is *not* a criticism, rather, it's part of your journey (and most people, including me, who have gone through similar experiences. Just something to notice. (Over time, I used art, meditation and walking as coping mechanisms-- but we all need to find what works for us.)

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  3. Anon has a lot of good points. :) You have come a long way, and there is no discounting that. You don't have to be overjoyed at the numbers, but giving yourself a pat on the back and the moving on is a good idea. Your nephew sounds adorable!

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  4. Glad you had fun with your nephew, toddlers are so cute. Hope your exhaustion is getting better. I know you wrote you haven't much appetite but hopefully you can get some nutritious food in.

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