Brandon, Who Lives At Home

So there it is for all to see the loose, hanging skin on my arms that was once filled with nothing but fat. I didn't really pay too much attention to this growing phenomenon  until last year when a certain incident occurred that I deliberately decided not to write about because  I would not only discard the good things that happened that day, but turn this into an actual bigger issue. The incident occurred one of the first times I went to the gym solo and was coming back, it was one of the better days if I recall. I had my arm out the window (or on the window seal) enjoying the breeze and we were stopped at a red light. I noticed in my rear-view mirror that in one of the cars in the next lane was a guy talking to some woman, and he looked over at my arm and said "that guys got a really big arm." Then the light went green, it didn't really click to me at first, but when I was bigger I used to try to avoid hanging my arm on or out the window because I was emba...

So I must have truly had personal growth as many of you have noted, and my therapist has noted, and my psychiatrist noted and myself off and on. I spent a few days at my friends just recently where I dropped my iPad cracking the screen, it still works, I'm writing this post on it. It just truly is in bad shape and can't possibly take any kind of drop or  bump now, it looks tragic. I'll have to eventually get a new one, but I'm thinking this one will hold up for awhile (I hope), but because of the cracked glass it's now off limits to the nephews and that will devastate them because I always get them really cool apps based off of things they like. Anyways I wasn't really upset about cracking my iPad to near smithereens, I was a little sad but in the end I thought of the pros of the situation, hey I can still use it . This one of those times where depression monster could have come and just uppercut me right to the face and had me constantly sinking lower, but I...

Last year I considered a few times making a return to video blogging, only to have my main computer crash and the remaining laptop have overheating issues which made me give up on the endeavor. Fast forward, recently (like a little over a week ago) I was featured by two weight loss transformation  profiles on Instagram, with the combined attention my Instagram account has grown to nearly a thousand followers. I should note that these accounts typically have people send in there pictures and stories and they will decide if they'll post, but both contacted me asking to feature me which was really affirming because I had been aware of both transformation based profiles and would never have submitted myself at my current state, as good as it may be as a total loss, because I just didn't think it held up. Anyways, because of the influx of followers and questions I ended up shooting a quick video that required no editing and uploaded to my Instagram I actually don't even remember...

Wednesday  I decided to be a bit bold and walk home from therapy. I decided it would be a good reason to take some photos of some sights. Unfortunately it was an ugly cold day, not at all ideal for photo-taking but I decided I would go through with it. (See pictures here  ) It turns out the walk was further than I anticipated, and it was colder than I anticipated, the experience started out mildly enjoyable but quickly turned into something less than. I'm glad I did it though, it helped me gauge some things. I still felt pretty self-conscious about myself taking pictures in high traffic areas, nearly every shot that I got could have been better if I had not been so paranoid about looking weird, or more importantly,  attracting attention to myself. Still one of the shots was literally right in front of a busy roadway and I wouldn't have even considered stopping and taking pictures there a year or two ago. Thursday I seen my nephrologist and that went pretty good things...

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Yesterday was the Super Bowl and once again my friend hosted a party with lots of foods that I typically steer clear of. I made it a point to tell myself that it was okay so to eat freely so long as I didn't binge eat or deliberately over eat, and to return back to my usual routines the following day and hit the exercise a little extra hard. I did indulge yesterday I ate more than usual  and didn't beat myself up for it because I felt like this wasn't going to be like last year when I gained 10lbs because I was inconsistent over that entire week, and I wasn't very active, things are different now. I've got a much better scope on things and one day isn't going to wreck everything. I had a very good time, the game was super duper boring, and the commercials were a bit of a let down, though there were s handful that were some standout. I had a good time joking around with friends, asking ridiculous questions of the amazon echo, getting attacked by dogs etc. I rea...

That time has finally come, an entire month has pasted. Last month was pretty good in terms of diet and exercise, my eating maintained a rather consistent balance the likes of which I'm not sure I've stayed so steady to since maybe 2015, exercise was also at a best. I can't say I went in to this weigh-in wanting to see any numbers in terms of lbs lost, but I knew I wanted to break out of the 350s, so let's see. Last month I weighed in at 351.6, and this month I weigh 342.8. I finally broke out of the 350s! I'm down 8.8 lbs, I'm on the right track. This is a great way to start the month by breaking free of the infinity zone that was the 350s. This months is to push a little harder. Maintain that balance with eating that I did almost everyday in January and no downscaling with the exercising, every weekday should be a 5 mile day and I'm actually looking for something new to do on the weekends, otherwise business as usual. Take it to another level and contin...

I didn't exactly make good on my plans of posting more last week, I've been around but I've lost my  spark for writing at the moment. Usual changing the color scheme of the blog helps motivate me somehow, like shedding of skin. I've been experiencing some mild depression lately, and it was directly triggered by a doctors appointment I had earlier in the week, I haven't quite been right since. I believe it was Tuesday I had my appointment and I seen someone I had not seen since 2011 starring at, that's the only reason I even noticed them, they were an old friend of of my buddy Nick, but I never associated with them. The issue I have is I don't want to been seen by people who I haven't  seen in many years, before I've reached my goal weight, regardless of how irrelevant they are (and this guy was quite). I kind of went into some distorted thinking  again about my weight, because he was kind of scanning me or at least that's how it seemed to m...

When I started my journey the first thing I began doing was cutting back in my consumption. Before I ate breakfast, lunch dinner and many in between, and my portions were massive.  I ate until I felt sick, often that meant going back for seconds, thirds, fourths, even fifths and sixths. Meals that should have last multiple days stood no chance. I knew this was the first thing that had to change, I had to cut back on on how much I was eating. Identifying your habits I figured out early on that I was an emotional, binge eater. I ate when I was happy, sad, excited, even just bored and wanted time to go by faster. One thing I did to combat this was to stop eating in my room, the fact that I already identified it made  it easier to prevent, but the comfort eating in my room really seemed to amplify both the enjoyment of food and whatever emotion I was using and made binging that much more intense. Once I limited eating to only in the kitchen (initially) it ...

Hey everyone you would not believe the bloody nightmare I was in over the weekend, ah yes that tooth. I can't put it into words, but I was in pure agony. I couldn't sleep, literally I could not even lay down because it increased blood flow to the area. I  was in such pain my mother was stress eating chips like Hoover vacuums suck in dirt, poor thing. Is that weird, I felt bad for her feeling bad for me? Knowing there was nothing she could do. All the usual home remedies failed horribly, I could only take Tylenol which I might as well have taken nothing! Anyways  said tooth could not be redeemed and the dentist extracted today upon examination. I can't workout today because I have to take it easy, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, the week looks like buissness as usual, I'm thinking of maybe going for a walking-photo-taking-adventure ( this week, I know I'm going to have one but will it be this week? I have a few posts thought out for this week that I th...

Its been a fast yet long week. Tooth issue still ongoing, can't get in to see the dentist until Monday, and its honestly been a nightmare. I haven't been able to sleep laying down, and sleeping in general hasn't actually happened much, other than the miserable ongoing pain that doesn't leave for very long... things are good! I had an eye appointment Monday and my new eyes were ready the next day, though I didn't pick them up until after therapy Wednesday. I've been working-out everyday, though since I'm not sleeping laying down I'm thinking of going down to the 3 or 4 mile workout, I've been doing the 5. I'm at the point where I can go it everyday now but I'm not getting adequate rest lately so I'm think of taking it down a notch until this tooth is removed! Had a nice good lengthy talk with Nathan recently about our weightloss journeys, I'll be updating my weightloss inspiration story on him soon now that he has had two skin remo...

Interesting spaces, that's where I've been lately, in between. This is mostly good. I actually think I want to start try meditation, and making more of a point to read my books more. I've been in weird places about my image, from an all time most-content to, things that are or border self-deprecating. I get out of it. I'm a little eager for next months weight in, really hoping I break this 350 plateau, and see where I am at. I believe I was the subject of some sort of subtle body shaming very recently. I've seen this form before happen to others but it's a first to happen to me. Someone on Instagram left a comment on my Instagram that actually didn't say anything but instead tagged another user. Tagging another user in a comment so they will see a post isn't uncommon, however usually it's something of relevance, something viral, or whathaveyou. Of course the other end of that is trolling, and mocking and to make fun or shame, these things h...