Brandon, Who Lives At Home

Its been an interesting couple of days, I'm glad to say my eating is on point. Mental, that's another story. Our microwave died which is how I usually cook my veggies, well I decided to boil them on the stove the other day. As I sat in the kitchen watching the pot waiting for it to get to a boil, a fire suddenly ignited underneath the pot. Suddenly there were flames starting to consume the pot. At first I was so shocked at what had just unfolded, after all I originally planned to go back to my room and let the veggies tend to themselves, but I didn't! A first wave of panic hit me, as I got up and saw the flame getting bigger. I removed the pot real quick before it would be completely engulfed. Once I had removed it all I could see was the fire engulfing the entire burner, I suddenly imagined the entire house burning down, if nothing else a completely destroyed kitchen. I literally said "oh no" several times as it was totally a bit overwhelming. Finally I snappe...

. I have to lose this weight, I have to remember what I want. I want the  life I never had. I want to be able to enjoy things, to walk out in front of a crowd and not worry about if my weight is making them stare at me. I want to be able to buy cloths off any rack at virtually any store. I want to be able to fit in the rides at amusement parks, sit in the seats comfortably in movie theaters. I want to rediscover the world from a new perspective, I want so much more. I have to get my focus back, I have to get my consistency back, I have to! I have to do it for me, for the guy that wrote those blog posts in 2015 at the precipice of complete and total mental implosion. He was so miserable all the time, physically and mentally, yet he kept on, he kept fighting because he had what he told himself was a delusion dream, but a dream nonetheless. That guy was so sad, he was so caged in, he was so hopeless, he would never believe how close we've come. I owe it to him to se...

The week has come to a conclusion, and I'm glad to say I've come out this end in a better place then when it started. My plans for the weekend included working out and watching something everyday, eating appropriately and avoid negative situations. That's it, its that simple! Also do my homework for therapy, but that's it. When I started writing this I was a day ahead, but the reality of things its only Thursday! So upon the actual weekend the above are my plans.

Anxiety, every so often I'll reach a point of heightened anxiety because of a collections of reasons that have been building up. There has been some disappointing news around here lately that really has me questioning humanity. My city has had a shocking rise in heroine usage, which consequently has led to a shocking number of overdoses. I don't know anyone on the drug, but a friend of mine has a younger brother who is an addict. Recently some county councilmen proposed a law that would allow EMS workers to refuse  to respond to overdose calls. Essentially let them die is his suggestion.  All because the drug Narcan is expensive (Narcan is used to treat these overdoes) I cant begin to grasp the place of mind this individual must be in to so careleslys discard life like that. What's more shocking is some of the response I've seen regarding it. One person on Facebook said they think they should help them (overdoes) the 1st time, and none after that . One of my close...

Somehow I did it, I made it through my 48hour fast. It was tough, but by the end I had entered a delirious phase that had me pondering how many addition days could I fast. The answer was 0, 0 more days. When I started this I was up to 337.8, now I'm back down to 328.4. The fast was a success, now I just have to remain in my calorie limit, not binge eat, and work out and I should be on the path of continued loss. Actually if I remain consistent I could be out of the 300's in a matter of weeks. Take a look at the video below of an old peak-weight me. (notice the box of Little Debbie snack cakes?) ⚗️👀 #weightloss #weightlosshelp #weightlossjourney #weightlossprogress #healthandfitness #weightlossbeforeandafter #weightlossgoals #obesity #pretransformation A post shared by Brandon Hall (@brandonwholivesathome) on Jun 25, 2017 at 2:34pm PDT

Awkward looking, but oh well I managed to get through my first day of fasting, it wasn't too bad until near the end of the day when I just wanted to break into every item of food in the house and country, but drowning myself with water helped curve these cravings. Last night I hit the gym, it was refreshing and made me nice and tired for a good nights sleep when I got home. Today will be the true test, as I have to really keep my mind busy to not break off of this, I have plenty of water on hand. I've been catching up on the Walking Dead , I'm on season 6, I actually don't want to watch anymore until tomorrow, honestly I just watched too many in a row this morning. Gym tonight, that's really the only thing on the agenda.

So I'm going on a 48 hour fast to offset the damage I did the past couple days, it started at midnight. Its going to be incredibly hard because I find myself wanting to eat even if I'm not hungry. Sometimes Ill remember the flavor of something and immediately start craving it. If I can survive this 48 hour fast I will have regained complete and total self control and I know moving forward Ill be able to go through with my plans. The plan is to do this 48 hour fast, actually its between 40 and 48, but Ill likely go the full 48. this will allow my body to burn a great deal of the crap food I have and produce minimum fat gain. Then from that point on its back to business, I'm lowering my calories down once again to 1,200 for the remaining 3 weeks of the  5 week program I started. 3 Meals  a day, working out, avoid triggering situations, integrate more with the weight loss community at large, write up a newly updated version of future-self/Ideal me , and that's that. ...

This is going to be a post of me trying to figure out myself, analyzing things. The journey has been going slower than ever, its taking me forever to actually drop lbs now, but why? Thursday I went to visit  my friends Nick and Melissa, they just had a baby, every time I'm over there my eating takes a dive (every single time). I told myself before that I wasn't going to break trend, I wasn't going to indulge in any of the temptation food they had laying around, but I did. I didn't just indulge, I over indulged, I had tons of snack cakes, and had a dinner far bigger than anything I usually would have, today wasn't any better. Now that I'm finally back home the I'm starting to let it all set in. So why am I breaking trend so much lately. Not just here, but at home. There was a period when I set out on a certain path, I was unrelenting, now I struggle to stay on one. To be honest I should probably be about 20lbs down further than I am, but since February ...

Because I like to punish myself, a while back I created a Tinder profile. It all started because I was helping a friend pick out pictures, and what to put in the bio of his. I knew in my heart of hearts, and my minds-eye that I should not venture down that road, but much like the dead cat that was too curious for its own good, so was I. So I made the profile and proceed to use the app as intended, swiping left occasionally, swiping right occasionally, it seemed a little fun at first. Then my brain happened, the thinking, the analyzing, the fun was over pretty fast. So I did get some matches but the Tinder culture is set up very predictably once you think about it, that being that its a very superficial platform, some people just endlessly swipe right to see who will match with them just to feed their ego, then they unmatch you. The first time this happened to me I was completely thrown, but I got over it and just came to expect that some matches are going to vanish (sometimes ...

Its been an interesting time since I  last blogged, I think I need to do it more, but truly I was burnt out. Honestly I was just tired of focusing so much on my weight loss and I just didn't feel like writing. I do a plan on changing focus a bit, I'm going to start writing about various things in my life and in general, and these things wont necessarily have to do with weight loss. So how have I been? For the most part, good. I just recently had a short bout of the blues , but I'm working towards keeping my mind from negative cycles. Blogging obviously is one of the methods. I'm going to start watching Extreme Weight Loss again, I stopped a while back when I learned what really goes on behind the scenes, it was also distorting my own weight loss aspirations. Now though, I'm just going to use it as inspiration, seeing the bodies transform should give me something to continue to work towards because lately I've been asking myself if I want to keep doing this, i...

You may have noticed my blog has been rather neglected lately, I just didn't blog in the last several  weeks,  but a lot has happened in that time. One day I went disc Golfing with some friends for the first time since I was at my peak weight. The first time I went, all the way back in 2013, was a nightmare. I just wasn't physically able to do more than 4 holes, I was exhausted from the small amount I did play, I decided that day I hated the game and would never do it again. It seems I lied. My friends asked me to go to weeks ago on a Monday and I reluctantly agreed. The experience was ten fold different. We spent several hours on the course hiking through various terrains. I managed to get through all 20 holes, and most importantly I actually had fun. The experience was a night and day difference from the first time I went. I changed up my eating routine for the umpteent time. It's working out quite nicely so far. It still involves drinking a lot of water, specially ...

An old blog post from the passed surface because of some keywords I was looking for to see if I made reference to an event from 2013, I did but not to the extent that I wanted . Anyways, I came across this post from April 8 2015, 2 years ago. You have to take a look at it, its very telling and sort of enlightening but also kind of demonstrates just how much my mind yo-yo'd mental health wise in 2015. In the post I basically mention that I don't think changes will happen in my life until around the 3s, at the time I was likely in the low 500s or high 400s. It reminds me of how I pretty much thought things would miraculously change with each first-digit change, but it didn't quite happen that way. My mind was mentally stuck and stayed that way... until well, really certain parts of it are still stuck but they aren't as stuck as they were then. My thinking has changed a bit, obviously my body changed, but back then I couldn't see it, or didn't care because of the ...