Brandon, Who Lives At Home

I'm feeling drained today, likely do to poor nutrition, I was supposed to up my veggie intake this week, but did not, I'm certainly increasing it in the next week. I think  (big think) I'm banning chips for the week from myself. I think I've been eating in a very luxurious way to some extent. I've been losing weight eating what I want to eat for the most part, how ideal is that! I think it's really stalling things. Months ago I was really hard on my self and had a ton of vegetables in rotation, of course I was also under eating so I felt the same if not worse ( but I was losing more, and I'd seriously argue it was worth it ). I really need to start exercising again too. I just need to find a balance, that's an area I'm uncomfortable with the idea of, imbalance on this journey has given me the best results. It might be time to be critical again. I can eat a maximum of 3,450 calories, here's what I ate today Breakfast   4.3 oz smoked saus...

Its been an interesting week, my nephew, got an extended stay, he was originally scheduled to leave Monday but gets to stay until this coming Sunday, until recent events. We were informed that he would be leaving Saturday evening because his other uncle (from his mothers side) is starring in some local horror movie that is having its premier the same night and they want him there, my mom will also be attending. I'm going to spend as much time with him as I can before he leaves and finally have that dance-off that he's been asking me about since I joked about it on the phone (Oy vey!), I borrowed my friends Xbox One so we could have a bigger variety of games to play, we've been playing a fun game called Rayman Legends. I'm not as sad about him leaving as I normally might be, maybe because he actually might be back next week (though chances are low) but more likely its because mom keeps buying tons of sugary temptation food and snack chips. I've done a rather stella...

I had a psychiatrist appointment, I arrived early and had to wait in the lobby with other patients. I often have to wait in the lobby regardless of when I've arrive, but today was different, I found myself the unfortunate and unintentional listener of a very dark conversation between two woman of indistinguishable ages (but looked rather young than I assumed, I presume), the topics jumped from their children in foster homes, to ones potential home eviction, to ones once homelessness post-rape. I was completely shocked by the complete open nature of there conversation but it was really just getting under my skin, doom and gloom doesn't really begin to describe it one of the many sensations overtaking me. The worse part of this was one of the girls tone (let's call her girl A) to her own stories. She had displayed a certain sense of carelessness and poor priorities that was really making me feel a certain way about her. At some point she told the other girl (girl B) about som...

Been a decent day. I started that book last night before bed, got one chapter in, I really like it so far, it's going to be a fun read. That new class I started also had a good debut I'm very  interested in where this course is heading. Today I gave the rest of the hot dogs to a friend, they are out of the house, so those are gone, and are part of me wishes they weren't.  Blërg. I can eat a maximum of 3,450 calories. Today I ate the following. Breakfast 31 grams of Strawberry Honey Bunches Of Oats with  a cup of  soy milk, and  2 cinnamon toaster pastries 620 total calories Dinner with friends @ Taco Bell Bacon Club Chalupa, Hard Shell Taco, Supreme Burrito 1,588 total calories 3 Cap'n Chrunch Berries Delight The total for these (255) were already added to dinner So there you have it, I consumed a grand total of 2,208 calories.

It was weight-in, and the results were satisfactory. Last week I weighed in at 472 pounds, and this week I am 469! I'm finally out of the 70s!  I lost 3 pounds last week. Once I get to 450, I think that's when all this will maybe start getting real to me, I don't know. It just dawned on me that, in 9 pounds I'll be 100 pounds lighter than when the doctors last had me on record when I first seen them this year. They had me at 560, officially. Of course unofficially I was nearly, or possibly, 600lbs last year (that had not seen me in nearly two years) . Is this something to maybe celebrate? I don't know, probably not. Another mostly stable week, up until the weekend, then things started yo-yo/spiking right at the end, not ideal at all, and I cant quite pinpoint these particular spikes reasons  either. Likely a combination of many factors. The good news is, it seems to have been very isolated, there was that irritability earlier in the week, but that was not rela...

Today I have certainly been in a weird mood, it's hard to describe but it's not good, it's not quite upbeat or mellow like other days of the week. It's very emotional, feels like I'm having an internal conflict about something that I myself am unaware of. It feels like I need to get a good yell out, feels like I have something bottled up.  Ive narrowed down which book I'm going to read to two. A spooky Thriller called The Darkest Evening Of The Year. And Millie's Fling , this one seems to be the only light-hearted option in my selection. One of these two will be the new book of interest for X amount of time.  I'm feeling indifferent about tomorrow's weigh-in. Max Calories Allowed 3,450. Today I had... Breakfast   3.4 oz of sausage, and the remaining 4.6 oz baked potato salad 537 total calories Lunch 1 brat, 1 hot dog, and 1 oz of Garlic potato chips 830 total calories Dinner 4.5 oz  barbecued  hamburger (ground...

Independence Day was quite nice, it was humid, fireworks could be heard entirely too often, entirely too close, and from entirely too many directions,  but no I didn't watch them, still  it was nice day like I said. Mom went all out on the menu Ribs, Hamburgers, Brats,  Hot dogs, Chicken, Baked Beans and Baked potato salad. What you see below is I did not at all go for variety, I'm a brat, and dog guy, but that baked potato salad was the unexpected star of the day. I planned games with my nephews Call Of Duty and Super Smash Brothers for awhile, my uncle stopped by for awhile I didn't talks see him though. My Mom sent my grandmother a plate of food since she decided to do all the cooking this year. I actually invited a few friends over to grab a bite but they had plans already. I never did get around to starting a book sadly, soon for sure! I enjoyed my day :) I can eat a maximum of 3,450 calories a day, here is what I ate today. Round 1 2 barbecued bratwu...

There is not much to say about today. It's Friday. I am   going to start reading again. Books in my Kindle app on my iPad take up 1.3GBs (gigabytes) of space I'm not sure why this bugs me, but it does. Nothing else comes close. When I got my iPad I originally got it as an extension to photography, I even got the camera connection kit and Photoshop Touch, which was recently removed from the App Store  (but not that crappy Express thing) , but my depression, anxiety, and " am I good enough " " do I look right doing this " made me shy away from photography and I gradually started using my iPad for other things, reading, drawing, etc.  I don't know if it's cool or crazy to have so much memory being used on books, the irony I suppose is I want them gone so I can make more room for even more books, or... Perhaps to use for photos if I were to engage in photography again soon... Perhaps Max calorie limit 3,450, here's today's damage. Bre...

It suddenly dawned on me that a new month just slipped into transition and I hadn't even noticed, or made a big deal of it. Without further ado. Seven months in now, this is scary, perhaps I'm not taking my weight loss journey as serious as I was before. Maybe I have gotten too comfortable with this super slow pace, actually I just realized I haven't been walking in weeks, I need to build up the enthusiasm to do them again, at least the indoor videos, I need a kick start. Maybe next week I'll do another  Boot Camp Week  like I did in April. It's been a quiet day, I got into a bit of an argument with my friend Matt again (that same one that I said I shouldn't be friends with) and it really got under my skin. I feel so stuck at times I don't deserve to have bad people in my life especially when I treat them well, but I don't have options. Do I shut the door on the bad bad apples and risk my already humble circle of friends shrinking into oblivion?...

Therapy went well, it was nice to be back after that week hiatus, however I was informed another would be following next week, blërg! It's been a slow day for me, I've kind of been sticking to myself in my room. My nephew hasn't requested me at all today, and I haven't at all felt compelled to be as social as I have been in previous days. I have just been in my room listening to music and at times watching one of my favorite shows, Impartical Jokers. It's funny as I was writing this my nephew came and hung out with me for about an hour in my room, we mostly joked around and watched Impractical Jokers, it was fun. Then we went to play some Super Smash Brothers on the Wii U for awhile. I can eat a maximum of 3,450 calories, here is what I ate today. Breakfast 2 servings of Low-fat cinnamon graham crackers, with a cup of vanilla soy milk 360 calories total Lunch 4 tablespoons of Salsa, And 3 oz of yellow tortilla chips 450 calories tot...

My nephew arrived late last night, so late I had already fallen asleep. I think some time this week I might go visit my dad, I'm not sure why, but I might, the very thought gives me feelings of resentment towards myself which. Find most unsettling. I suddenly realized I have therapy tomorrow,  feels like it's been every other week the past four weeks.  There was homework to do, some I could still do, and I might. Today my nephew wanted to go to Gamestop to get a new game, for some reason I had some Power Up rewards card with them, I can't remember when the last time I've been there. I only own a Wii U and Nintendo 3DS (I'm all about Nintendo, don't get me started!) and I only bought digitally (last year specifically) so it was an odd discovery. While looking online he noticed he could get a game he wanted cheaper with my rewards card. I told him he could use it and mom agreed to take him, unfortunately he wanted me to tag along, I made it clear I wasn't nec...

Lets get to it. Last time I  weighed 475, this week I weigh in at 472, 3 pounds down. Not too shabby. The good news is I have lost, I'm back on the right path, the less good news is I'm still up from where I was several weeks ago and that stings. So here is a new thing I'm going to do weekly. Just to sort of reflect a bit on the past week in a sort of minor way. Just a graph it shows the start of the (previous) week to the end of the week, from left to right. The first blue dot is the starting point and the black line is my state of mind. Last week was rather mild. No serious yoyoing, or mountain hikes or spikes going on. It ended ideally. I think the goal, or the ideal graph is for them all to look similar to this one. They will serve a purpose  at some point perhaps. My eldest nephew never made it down yesterday, and has yet to make it as of this writing. Its starting to look murky as to whether he will make it down.  My friends invited me to hang out this ...