3 to 10



That is what I work today, 3 to 10, 7 hours of hell await me. I still have some computer training to finish but I reckon that will only take about 15 minutes. I begged and pleaded with time last night, asked it to stop so I wouldn't have to deal with today. I pleaded that I wouldn't even mind reliving the same day over again for the rest of my life it it meant not having be in the pain today is sure to bring. Alas, the time went on, and today has arrived. My anxiety has my I stomach feeling like the ocean during high tide. I will likely eat something very light, and have nothing else for the day. I certainly wont eat at work.

About 10 or so years ago, I made the worst decision of my life, I could have been living the life I always wanted, instead of this. I had the opportunity to have years of obesity taken from me seemingly in an instant, but I turned it down. It has been weighing on me very hard the last day, I had almost forgotten until a recent comment reminded me of it. Today it feels like I was one of those contestants on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. who make it to 200,000 dollars, and instead of walking with the money, the sure thing, they go for the half million dollar question that they know nothing about, completely wing it, and lose! The soul crushing feeling that they must go through, I as a viewer often feel it too, like man you just missed out on a life changing amount of money, but In my case I lost out on a life changing procedure.

I discuss it a bit in the video below, take a look.




If there is any good news to mention, it is this, the car is operating properly. Mom called my uncle (that uncle), he suggested that it might be "bad gas" because she went to a gas station she didn't normally go to, and filled up right before all the problems occurred. He recommended that she go buy some product that you put in your tank  that like dilutes it(?) or, idk, I'm not a mechanic and I don't know car terminology so, all I know is she had to buy some stuff, put it in the gas tank, and from there things have been going smoothly. Thank you to everyone who sent good wishes regarding the car, perhaps your good vibes, played a role.

Also my mother bought me new shoes, she left this morning and came back with two pairs, I wish I would have known, because I could have gone too, or at the very least could have asked about a billion things about inserts and dealing with plantar, but she went to a retail department store, so I don't know if I would had had luck anyways (and honestly I probably would not have went today anyways, Im trying to stay off my feet as much as possible!). What matters is, there is a possibility these shoes could improve things a bit, and I am hoping like crazy that is the case. But we shall see. Ill update this post (or make a new) after work.

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