Taking It Easy
I woke up earlier thinking it was trash day, I was wrong. I noticed how I have some lingering back pain, in my lower back. I was noticing yesterday as I stood how my back just started to feel more and more strained. My knees are also hurting and are stiff, I'm worried about my left knee, because its becoming clear the longer I'm on it the more problems I have with it. When I was walking to break yesterday I could barely lift it. Tomorrow is starting to feel really scary again, because I know I'm going to have to deal with three issues, my feet, my knees, my back. I was actually surprised this morning to discover just how swore my feet were, because when I initially got home last night they didn't feel so bad. I am not off again until Sunday. A 4 hour shift, then an 8 hour shift, then another 4 hour shift. I'm going to try to enjoy this day off though.
I was thinking the other day how much I miss not restricting my food. Yesterday at work in the break room, I kept seeing delicious pizza commercials, oh how I love pizza. I was thinking how great it would be to order a pizza with triple cheese, sausage, bacon, and pepperoni. A good greasy, calorie overdosed pizza. I miss not being so conscious. I also watched as everyone in the break room ate all kinds of fast food, Arbys, Steak N Shake, Olive Garden, and meals from our own deli. A lady actually offered me a piece of chicken from her chicken meal, and it looked soooooo good, but I turned it down, it was clearly breaded and deep fried, it would not have killed me, but In my head I was thinking it was too much.
Sweets, I love sweets, and no I was never the guy who could be fine with a piece of hard candy, no I had to have the good stuff, the gooey, the chocolates, the filled creams. I love love love donuts, in town we have a local bakery that makes the best donuts in the WOLRD, and what did I see in the kitchen several days ago? A bag of their donuts! I was so depressed, I wanted one so bad, but didn't give in, and just yesterday I had a major sweet tooth, and mom offered me her last donut, but I declined and settled for a very boring, and basic peanut butter sandwich (sigh).
I guess what I'm saying is I miss my food freedom, last year my buddies would go to fast few places several times a week, and Id tag along, they always foot the bill so I never had to worry about paying. We loved buffets, and we frequently drove out of town to eat places we didn't have here. And when Sonic had their half-priced milkshakes after 7PM, it was pretty much an every day thing. I know now that, that lifestyle was toxic, heck, I even knew then, but it didn't matter to me. Eating was the thing I looked forward to most everyday, it was my comfort, and my way of coping.
I wouldn't want to go back to eating like that, but I envy those around me not on a journey and eating whatever they want, whenever they want. Last night for dinner I had baked fish, broccoli, and brown rice. It was beautiful in how healthy and nutritious it was (and quite delicious), but ugly in how boring it was.