Will It Get Better Than This?

-


Today post work has been pretty boring, but that's kind of my life. I know Ill miss a day like today once I really start being a cashier and have to face that pain, but today was a good day, but this feels like the best of the best. I still come home lonely, I still feel insignificant, I'm still everything I was the day before, and hundreds of days before that. I recently asked you guys if I should get a phone and mentioned how social networking was rather bad for me, well Sunday I actually deleted my facebook account. I was just so tired of logging in and just seeing all the happy lives, and I know nothing on facebook is as it seems, but I still see people out with friends, going places, doing things, enjoying life, and then there is me. It was just toxic for me, I had to cut it off, maybe one day I will be able to use it in a healthy way, but for now its no good.

Facebook though it isn't the big issue, its just this unhappiness, and feeling like I have no purpose. Its every single day, it doesn't go away, and the trauma of work just makes it worse, so I know the worst is to come, but I want to be happy. Its so hard to be optimistic, I would just like to wake up one day and be happy, or not be unhappy, I wouldn't mind feeling neutral. Everyday I wake up and for a moment, somewhere in the day I get a feeling that maybe its the day I check out, and I feel awful how much it comes up, I know that my mom would be devastated, and Im sure it might hurt some of you who have been following me on this journey. I still plan on going to that counseling center. I considered going yesterday, I considered going today, I'm considering going tomorrow. Actually I work too late tomorrow... and they aren't open weekends so.... maybe Monday....

Im so annoyed with myself

Popular posts from this blog

Smooth Sailing

-
The week seems to have just glided by, it's almost over. I've been sleeping well, this morning however I woke-up feeling kind of out of it.  A recent comment mentioned going down in shirt sizes, that's interesting because my therapist has been saying I should do this for weeks, new clothes, it's a touchy subject. I'm not quite sure there is enough of a difference to warrant me getting new lower sizes. As I told my therapist (whom thought I was being ridiculous) I've laid in these shirts in so many different ways and contorted them that it's really no telling if weight loss  has anything to with this appearance. So I really don't want to go down lower in sizes and be disappointed, and then wouldn't going down in size make me look bigger anyways? I know the logic in that last bit is odd , but it just came to me, I can't rationalize it, but it seems valid as if this sentence. Mentally I'm mostly stable, however that picture of me by the campe...
Read more

I Watched Some Picture Films

-
I always like when people refer to movies as "picture films." I actually watched some movies over the weekend several days in a row. I even watched one this morning called The Loft , yesterday I watched The Account with Ben Affleck (so good). Its been really nice getting caught up in movie worlds for a little bit of time again, especially the horror ones, I really love a good spooky film. I watched one called From The Dark that was really good and I actually have a few to watch tonight so that should be scary fun. I got some Canadian bacon because I was told this was better for me than regular bacon because its considered lean or whatever, I also got some peanut butter 2 that I'm planning on making on an Instagram story video thing maybe today, its basically this powdery peanut butter you add water to that turns into normal peanut butter that has less fat and calories than regular peanut butter, so if you're following me on Instagram be looking out for that. How ...
Read more

Boot Camp Week Day Five

-
Image
The final day of boot camp week is upon us. Today the exercise goal is to complete the four mile challenge, which would give me a new miles per week peak. The food goal is simple once again, and the consistent goal of the week. Stay below 1,800 calories. I got news yesterday that my oldest nephew might be coming down for the weekend. That's pretty awesome news. His spring break starts today, but he'll only be here the weekend (versus the entire break previously), but   it wasn't set in stone so I'm not expecting anything.  He has been getting all A's in school this semester so far so I'm really proud of him. Today I'm getting blood work done, and will likely schedule  that follow up appointment.
Read more

Archive

Show more