Will It Get Better Than This?

Today post work has been pretty boring, but that's kind of my life. I know Ill miss a day like today once I really start being a cashier and have to face that pain, but today was a good day, but this feels like the best of the best. I still come home lonely, I still feel insignificant, I'm still everything I was the day before, and hundreds of days before that. I recently asked you guys if I should get a phone and mentioned how social networking was rather bad for me, well Sunday I actually deleted my facebook account. I was just so tired of logging in and just seeing all the happy lives, and I know nothing on facebook is as it seems, but I still see people out with friends, going places, doing things, enjoying life, and then there is me. It was just toxic for me, I had to cut it off, maybe one day I will be able to use it in a healthy way, but for now its no good.

Facebook though it isn't the big issue, its just this unhappiness, and feeling like I have no purpose. Its every single day, it doesn't go away, and the trauma of work just makes it worse, so I know the worst is to come, but I want to be happy. Its so hard to be optimistic, I would just like to wake up one day and be happy, or not be unhappy, I wouldn't mind feeling neutral. Everyday I wake up and for a moment, somewhere in the day I get a feeling that maybe its the day I check out, and I feel awful how much it comes up, I know that my mom would be devastated, and Im sure it might hurt some of you who have been following me on this journey. I still plan on going to that counseling center. I considered going yesterday, I considered going today, I'm considering going tomorrow. Actually I work too late tomorrow... and they aren't open weekends so.... maybe Monday....

Im so annoyed with myself


  1. Hi Brandon, on the socks I mentioned the other day I think they just feel so good on my feet but as far as I know they don't add support. I really hope things will go better at work than what your thinking they will. I believe as time goes by and you get healthier your job will get physically easier for you and it will ease the bad thoughts in your mind. I know its not going to be easy but it will be worth it. Your mother, nephews and readers would be very hurt if something happened to you so please know you matter to people. Talking to a counselor sounds like a very positive thing to do. Just change what you can each day and build on that. It will get better. I am like Mollie I love Walmart and when my cashier is friendly I so appreciate them and enjoy talking to them. Who knows you might meet some new friends that way. Take care.

  2. Brandon, please go to the counseling center. There's no reason for you to be suffering so much emotionally. It could be some medication will help in addition to counseling.

    Would it ever be possible to take a college course in something you might be interested in? I ask because you seem so bright and it would give you hope and purpose for the future. You have far too much potential to give up!



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